I know that other the past few years I have let things slip as a parent and I know that I have adopted a lazy attitude to life just like my mother. I never really had a role model when I was growing up and have had to learn things for myself and trust me in this day and age this is no easy task. It seems that people watch your every move and people will always judge you in their own way. I have take this type of criticism to heart every time and it left me with an attitude that wanted to please every one all of the time. It has taken me many years to come to know that this is not healthy and that I have to please no one. I have to focus my attention on my beautiful daughter she is my blessing in life and I have so much love for her. I know that changing is a hard thing to do and with both me and my daughter having the same bad attitude conflict is never far away.
But today spending time with her and bonding really well with her has shown me exactly what I need to do. One thing that sticks out in my mind is that I am far too hard on myself and I need to stop this. I need to draw strength from my faith and lean on Christ to get me through things.
There is so much that I am learning right now and I am becoming a more mature grounded young lady. I know now that life is never easy and it is never like the movies but life is what you make it and if you wake in the morning expecting it to be bad then that is the way that the day will go.
Next week though is the start of school, it has been a long hard 6 weeks and we all have had to adapt to new and different situations. Just before school broke up my dad ended his employment with a company that he has been with for many years. It was a hard choice for him to make but he had become so unhappy with the company that his mood had become bad. I have started work after 8 years which in itself is causing a few problems as I am more tired than normal so very grumpy.
Then we come to my very strong minded mature nearly 8 year old that did not adjust to all this change. I felt that she would be OK with it all but that is far from the truth and most mornings just getting out of the door to work is a guilt trip and its hard. I know that this is the best thing for us but knowing how much it breaks her heart is very hard on me. She is also very worried about starting Year 3 her school is OTT on the strict level and she has been told that it will get harder in Year 3.
So this is what I have come to decide these past few weeks. When Sinead returns to school we will have a fluid routine which can easily adapt around any changes that may need to happen. I will try my hardest to make sure that when I am not working I devote my time to the house and get everything back into order. I hope to be able to spend an hour each day I am not working helping Sinead adjust to school by helping her with the things that she is having trouble with/just take an interest in what she is learning. I hope that if I am not working Saturdays that me and Sinead can take a walk and enjoy the day ahead then once a month we go out and have a little shopping time and a meal outside of the home.
I want to get Sinead back into helping out around the house as an incentive to keep her things neat and tidy. There will also be a list for her to look over of extra jobs so that she can earn her pocket money. She will also have to go through her things once every month with me so that we can get rid of the things that are broken or that she has out grown.
I know that this list seems very extensive but I want to be able to shape life into how I have dreamt it to be. I know that things will never be easy but that is why we need to keep things very fluid in here so that we can shape it around the things that we need to do.
OK I need to make sure that I read this a lot so that I can keep on this track.
No comments:
Post a Comment