The Crazy Round About of Life

So here we are in yet another morning's splendour, or that's how it should be in this house it is far from the truth. The hot water was diminished last night when my daughter had her bath and even though I am in urgent need of a bath this morning I have to wait for it to heat up and just hope and pray that it gets hot in time.

My little girl as I type is layed on the floor feeling very sorry for her self indeed. She really does not like the days that I work and I kinda of wish that I have a magic wand to help her through this.

OK this is going to be small post for now but I will post more when I can.

Time To Shape

I know that other the past few years I have let things slip as a parent and I know that I have adopted a lazy attitude to life just like my mother. I never really had a role model when I was growing up and have had to learn things for myself and trust me in this day and age this is no easy task. It seems that people watch your every move and people will always judge you in their own way. I have take this type of criticism to heart every time and it left me with an attitude that wanted to please every one all of the time. It has taken me many years to come to know that this is not healthy and that I have to please no one. I have to focus my attention on my beautiful daughter she is my blessing in life and I have so much love for her. I know that changing is a hard thing to do and with both me and my daughter having the same bad attitude conflict is never far away.

But today spending time with her and bonding really well with her has shown me exactly what I need to do. One thing that sticks out in my mind is that I am far too hard on myself and I need to stop this. I need to draw strength from my faith and lean on Christ to get me through things.

There is so much that I am learning right now and I am becoming a more mature grounded young lady. I know now that life is never easy and it is never like the movies but life is what you make it and if you wake in the morning expecting it to be bad then that is the way that the day will go.

Next week though is the start of school, it has been a long hard 6 weeks and we all have had to adapt to new and different situations. Just before school broke up my dad ended his employment with a company that he has been with for many years. It was a hard choice for him to make but he had become so unhappy with the company that his mood had become bad. I have started work after 8 years which in itself is causing a few problems as I am more tired than normal so very grumpy.

Then we come to my very strong minded mature nearly 8 year old that did not adjust to all this change. I felt that she would be OK with it all but that is far from the truth and most mornings just getting out of the door to work is a guilt trip and its hard. I know that this is the best thing for us but knowing how much it breaks her heart is very hard on me. She is also very worried about starting Year 3 her school is OTT on the strict level and she has been told that it will get harder in Year 3.

So this is what I have come to decide these past few weeks. When Sinead returns to school we will have a fluid routine which can easily adapt around any changes that may need to happen. I will try my hardest to make sure that when I am not working I devote my time to the house and get everything back into order. I hope to be able to spend an hour each day I am not working helping Sinead adjust to school by helping her with the things that she is having trouble with/just take an interest in what she is learning. I hope that if I am not working Saturdays that me and Sinead can take a walk and enjoy the day ahead then once a month we go out and have a little shopping time and a meal outside of the home.

I want to get Sinead back into helping out around the house as an incentive to keep her things neat and tidy. There will also be a list for her to look over of extra jobs so that she can earn her pocket money. She will also have to go through her things once every month with me so that we can get rid of the things that are broken or that she has out grown.

I know that this list seems very extensive but I want to be able to shape life into how I have dreamt it to be. I know that things will never be easy but that is why we need to keep things very fluid in here so that we can shape it around the things that we need to do.

OK I need to make sure that I read this a lot so that I can keep on this track.

The Dreaded Morning.

Ok this morning is like every single morning when I have to go to work. I have a set time to get up yet I can not get past a certain time and have to get up before the alarm goes off. Then Sinead wakes up and realises that mummy is not there and bolts down the stairs with tears in her eyes.

Then I sit on my bottom on the computer and waste time when really I could be doing something productive. Its like my mind wants to stay in bed when my body is the total contrast it needs to be up to get to work.

I know how the rest of this morning is going to go and I hate it. I will basically get ready way too quick and catch the early bus which gets me into work an hour early. Before I even get out the door I have to get past Sinead who will be there blocking my path with tears coming down her face yet again.

Really need to get these mornings sorted out cause Sinead is back to school very soon.

The first post with no name.

I decided that it would be best to start to document my new road in life. It has been a long time since I have worked and now I am a supervisor for a retail chain. I have spent 8 years being a single parent, bringing up my daughter. It has been a challenging 8 years with its ups and downs and many health problems. Now though my daughter is older nearly 8 and her health is much improved, she does not get as many illness so then came the time for me to return to work.

I have been working now for about a month, and loving every minute of it. I am finding though that I am on a mission to prove something all the time. I am nervous and worry about every little thing I just can not ease myself into work and this is getting in the way. My boss has even noticed this and yes you have guessed it this has made things worse for me. She does drop little comments every so often and I know that these are done in good faith and not there to hurt or be little me but it leaves dents every time that she mentions something to me.

Also family life at home feels strained for me, I live with my father and of course my little girl. My daughter is my world and has been used to me be around for so long so this new life is harder for her than me. She has not adjusted very well and it worries me that she is not coping with the separation, I know that when I am gone she forgets and gets on with what she wants to do.

I have a lot to learn at the moment in both family life and in work and I guess that I have to calm down and enjoy what I have been given. I have to learn how to budget for this new way of life and I have to learn how to be more domestic and how to balance the two out.

So this will be my place to vent to cry and just basically keep an account of how life is going. I know that some days things will be happy and some days will be sad.I hope to be able to draw strength from my faith and get through all the bumps that this life may throw at me.